Suffering so you don't have to!
This is going to be a weird True Kvlt because I’m running out of super underground releases. Don’t worry, we’ll ask the mighty forces of the internet to feed us more. The battle for exposure is never over, and we fight to the bitter end, because while we might be insignificant in the vastness of space, that doesn’t mean we have to feel that way! Let’s start!
What started as a cheap PR tactic has become a beloved part of this forgotten corner of the internet (MER). Here, you—the people—send us your work, and we give you a platform so you can brag to your friends and family that you’re now a musician someone writes about. As usual, we’ll give you a bit of praise and a bit of critique. Things we liked and things that… could improve (I sound like your boss now, right?). Time to start!
This is going to be a good one! We’ve got bands that scream in French, Spanish, a bit of German, and of course, our favorite colonial language, English (luckily, cats are mysterious creatures that speak in tongues). We’re going full international, but despite some quirks, we’re sticking to hostile/doomy themes. Fasten your seatbelts, because even if you hate everything we’re throwing at you now, it won’t leave you unfazed. Let’s go!
Since Metal is probably the music style that cares the least about lyrics, I’ve written a satire of lyrics that you could probably find in any Metal track. Make it fun and drink every time a common word or idea pops up. Tell me in which line you started to feel wasted!
Destiny has decided that this week’s True Kvlt becomes a blend of mostly underground Black and Death Metal straight from the cave. Lately, we’ve had too much beauty and cleanliness in this section, so it was about time things got nasty again. Join us on this quick trip to the basement.
You know what time it is! It’s that time of the week when we check your submissions and decide whether to be ruthless or merciful, depending on how much nonsense we’ve had to put up with during the rest of the week. As usual, we have a wide range of submissions, from Power Metal to Brutal Death Metal. So, we have something for the whole family. In fact, we’ve signed up your whole family to our socials and blog. We’ll keep them all furious with our poor reviewer judgment, so much so that they’ll leave you in peace for a while. Think about it! Now, to the bands!
As we navigate the storm of endless submissions, we’ve encountered an interesting bunch from all walks of life, spanning from MeloDeath to Prog Metal. True kvlt is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re going to get, but you hope to avoid the licorice ones. Shall we start?
Welcome back, everyone! I’ve hinted on many occasions that this section will mostly focus on interviewing people in unconventional parts of the Metal scene. However, at MER, we’re also strong advocates for mental health, and if you haven’t listened to A Kindness Dealt in Venom, you should. It’s a harrowing journey through the demons inside most of us. I met Tony in the most ironic way: he texted me to correct an enormous mistake in our Construct of Lethe review. He was understanding, and I could tell he was someone with a great eye for detail. Given the personal nature of this album, I couldn’t help but invite him for an interview.
Join our feline attempt to overthrow our human masters here!
Alright, my beloved basement dwellers! Today, we have the humbling honor of hosting our first track premiere. It’s not something we’ll do often, but you should try everything at least once (except fentanyl!). So, here we have it!
Here we go again! We have a few EPs and albums submitted by you, our beloved readers who keep our hearts pumping but bring no food to our tables (how do you feel about that, you freeloaders?). That’s okay, I’ll forgive you for now… let the judging begin!
Metal Eclipse Reviews 